My kind of conversation

I was on a walk down an unfamiliar neighborhood street. I had hoped for peace and quiet, but two people joined me. As they talked I thought about what I would rather hear, but probably never will.

She: “The people in that house have been here for about three years. They have a son who lives in B– and a daughter who just got accepted into Yale on a scholarship for fencing”

What I want to hear: “Listen to the doves….cuckoo-coo. And those other bird calls are quail.”

He: “Why did these [other] people build their house to face at an angle like that? It makes no sense. They would rather look at their neighbors’ kitchen window than at the canyon!”

What I want to hear: “Feel the warm sunshine and the soft breeze.”

She: “This woman has lived here for about 20 years. Her daughter lives with her now to take care of her. Her boyfriend is from U–”

What I want to hear: “I know the woman who lives here. She has such a cheerful house and her smile is so sweet. You’d like the way her eyes shine when she tells stories of her past.”

I like a quiet walk without conversation at all. Talking would be tolerable if only people would talk about the things I love.

Happy things. Beautiful things. Gratefulness and appreciations. Simple pleasures.

The Land I Love

I’m going away on a sunny day

To Oregon, the land I love

I want to see the falls and hear their calls

They will bid me, “Move back! Come back to me!”

Her mountains and hills give me thrills

Here, all my friends are Places

We’ll be driving along, singing a song

Stopping to buy fresh berries

Where the Clackamas River lives, we’ll visit my relatives

And drink the snow-melt waters of Mt. Hood

Next on to the coast where we will boast

Of watching the sun sink into the ocean

Land, water, air – Here is nature so fair

In my homeland, motherland, sweet Oregon

I wrote this on the way to Oregon. The visit was nice but it’s not the same when there’s a time limit and a rushed feeling. I was glad to see that Oregon’s beauty has not diminished.

Slow down

I want to get off

the merry-go-round of adult life

and just be held like a baby

while I drink a warm bottle of milk

and fall peacefully to sleep.

I want to spend my days hearing no words

Letting time slip by

While I observe and marvel

At the little things of life

Like the flickering light from the ceiling fan above me

Like the soft brush of air moving around the house

And thunder speaking loud and clear in an ancient language that everyone knows.

As I drift off to sleep, I hope I have one of those good dreams

Where I can float and fly and swim through the air like a fish

I crouch down and then spring up into the air,

Sailing up as if I were a paper airplane;

Then floating gently back down.

Such springiness seems so natural to me, as if I’ve always been this way –

but something in real life prevents it from being activated

something like gravity.

For a few months now I have been too busy to enjoy creativity. I can’t see when this fast-paced lifestyle will end so I need a different way to reach out to people. I deal with autism challenges every day, so there shouldn’t be any shortage of blogging material there.

I have decided to change the direction of my blog to simple sharing of my autistic thoughts and feelings. I guess the reason for sharing is to feel less alone in my strange little world, and to hear from others who understand. And sometimes, all kinds of people will understand, not just the autistic.

Every Good Gift

Yesterday I let go of something painful, but I also lost security when I let go.

As I was drowning in feelings of failure, I painted a rainbow.

A few minutes later, very unexpectedly, I was given exactly what I really needed.

There is a Bible verse for such a happy turnaround:

Every good gift comes from above, from the Father of lights

……from the Lord of love.

My heart overflows with gratitude!

Give Yourself the Childhood You Deserve

Yours Truly

What is it meant to be?
Falling in love with the ones who love you the most
Exploring and Discovering
Mimicking and Learning
Feeling proud and excited about every accomplishment
Being silly and sharing laughter
Feeling optimistic, like ‘the world is your oyster’
Spending time every day simply enjoying motion, sounds, sights and textures
Having a friend or sibling to play with

When you’ve not had the childhood you needed, it can be healing to start giving it to yourself today.
As much as you are able, allow yourself to be the happy child now that you wanted to be then.
It’s not only a great way to enhance your healing – it’s also a way to discover who you are.
Try it.  Please share some of your own ideas.  I’ll share some I have done.

1. Splash in a creek and throw rocks in the water.
2. Get out the pots and pans and other kitchen stuff to make music.
3. Make paper airplanes and other paper toys.
4. Fling jello onto the wall to see if it sticks.
5. Skate around the floor on socks to some favorite music.
6. Pick wildflowers (weeds) and put them in a little vase or glass.
7. Make lots of fun sound effects when you’re driving.
8. Make a fort and read a book inside it by flashlight.
9. Squish mud between your toes.
10. Run a stick against a fence and feel the clickety-clack.

That was fun just listing ideas.  Here are some more ideas:
1. Put a straw in a glass of milk and blow bubbles.
2. Display your artwork on the fridge.
3. When you make a list, instead of checking things off, give yourself shiny foil stars.
4. Shoot rubberbands to your heart’s content.
5. Sprout a bean in a little cup of dirt.
6. Walk backwards to the mailbox.

While allowing yourself to be the child you wanted to be, you’ll also be the parent you needed. Rejoice with your child inside.  Praise every little step of life. 

The Mind that Cannot See

There is a mind that cannot see
Once the eyes are closed.
Visualization cannot be
If pictures are never composed.

Where the world remains black as ink
The darkness can stifle thoughts;
Not only is it hard to think,
But feelings get tied up in knots.

I speak from experience –
I have this kind of brain.
It blocks my creative sense
Held hostage by lock and chain.

I believe in a door that when opened
Will set free the ability
To see whatever is spoken,
If only temporarily.

By writing and painting and playing,
Working puzzles, singing songs and more,
My brain shall begin displaying
Imagination’s delights galore.

(I believe it can be done!
This is the purpose of all my fun.)

I will knock on that door daily
Just as the Good Lord said,
“Knock and it shall be opened,”
Not with hand, but with heart instead.

And if in the end I fail,
I will still be glad I tried.
My spirit will still prevail
Because the joy is in the ride.

What does it take to paint?

What does it take to get out my paints?
It takes empty hours with no constraints,
Quiet surroundings and clean, neat spaces,
Room to explore my artistic graces,
No distractions of any kind,
And most of all, a willing mind –
Willing to try and fail,
To be patient with small detail,
Accepting whatever the outcome,
Even if it’s humdrum;
Such perfect circumstances are rare,
Which means I need to begin with prayer.

Artistic Chaos